This Is Harder Than I Thought!

I guess you can never really prepare yourself for things that come your way...In a way I feel so guilty for missing my husband so much. I keep thinking to myself, we are still married, he is still alive and we will be together again in 14 more weeks...but this is hard...I cant even imagine if anything happened to him.

Its been 2 weeks and at first it was ok...yes I missed him and jumped every time the phone rang but it was just like he was just gone for a few days and nothing more...plus I was extremely busy with pictures, baseball practice and tournaments, and Rhonda & I took the kids to Cocoa for a few days to use our timeshare...then after the tournament and the kids went to their dads for a week...I have been here all by myself this week! Still very busy but very lonely...I miss him more now and have cried more in the last 2 days than I did in the beginning...I know it will get easier as time goes on but Im not enjoying this at all.

I learned along time ago not to take anyone for granted from personal experiences so I never took Larry for granted or so I thought...until now he is gone and I have to do everything here by myself. Mowing and weed eating 2 yards (we help our neighbor with her yard), taking out the garbage, fixing things that need to be fixed, feeding all 16 of our animals and going to bed by yourself and it all of a sudden feels different and I cant get comfortable...needless to say I haven't slept much...but I'm sure I will finally just give out and will pass out (not literally).

I have talked to him twice for 2 minutes each... he sounds good and has wondered himself what he has gotten himself into, but he is falling into place real well. He has been training since January here at home so when he took his PT test he ran the mile in 7.39 minutes and maxed out on all the sit-ups, pull-ups and push-ups! I am so proud of him and I cant wait to see him in August march across that field on his graduation day to have accomplished something he wanted very badly. He has written almost everyday so I do look forward to checking my mail (no not email it comes good old snail mail!) and I finally got his mailing address yesterday so today I sent out all the letters I have been writing him for the past 2 weeks.

I also miss our talks...we talked about everything...he truly is my best friend. I think it would be easier if I could at least talk to him about my day and how the kids are or how he is doing, but instead I have to wait for a 2 minute phone call when they tell him he can call. I have alot going on here and some decisions to make in the next few months. I really wish I could talk to him about them to have his opinion. I have written them in the letters but its not the same.

The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes it can get the best of you, makes you think about what could happen. I have alot of fears of when he comes home if he will be the same Larry and will he still love us like he did...I know, I know that is just crazy talk...but sometimes things just happen and you cant control them...I know first hand on that one and I cant even imagine my life without him...

I guess Im just venting or feeling sorry for myself, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I will be over it or at least not crying about it...Please keep our family in your prayers...

Overwhelmed With Thoughts!

The past few days I have had so many things going on in my head. Actually, who am I kidding, I always have alot of thoughts going on in my head! So I thought I would get some of them out in writing so maybe I can make more sense of them. Keep in mind these are my opinions and I do not want to offend anyone on how I feel about certain things.

First, Its wonderful that McCain picked a woman to run for VP with him! I actually thought of voting for Clinton, if she were to make it as the Democrat contender. However, I never cared for Bill Clinton and I am not really into politics and most of it is a joke... But I do feel a woman could do a good job as a President or a VP for many reasons. As to people slamming her for having 5 children, one of which is pregnant at 17 year old and unmarried...WHO CARES!!!! That does not mean that she cant do a good job...no matter how good your morals are and how your raise your children, they will still make mistakes and live there own lives, you cant be with them every second of everyday! I would think less of her if she turned her back on her daughter in her time of need.

Second, little Caylee Anthony and her so called mother Casey... all I want to know is why they keep letting her out of jail... if they keep on with her she will do the same thing Melinda Duckett did and commit suicide, because of the "stress" and no one will ever know the real truth about what happened or where the little one is! She doesnt deserve to be out of jail and they need to find a way to make her talk, I dont feel sorry for her or her parents at this point, I feel there is something just not right with the whole situation... She shows no remorse, no guilt, no emotion what so ever that her daughter is missing... If it were me and I was innocent (BTW the thought of killing my children has never entered my mind, even when they are driving me nuts) I would be beside myself with grief, crying, praying and begging for anyone to help me find my lost child... Casey has never showed any type of emotion in anyway. And don't think for one minute if my Mother or Pop thought I or anyone else hurt one of my children that they wouldnt turn me in... I have already been told they love us kids but if someone hurt their grandchildren, it would be on! Ive been told that a time or two in my life from both of them!

I have several "little projects" I want to do around the house, like clean out my office, organize my scrapbooking things, paint the kitchen, clean out the kids rooms (again)... It is all very overwhelming for me though... I have all good intention, then when I set my mind too it I walk into the room or place Im going to work on the "little project" and I dont know where to start!!!
I look around and think to myself where did all this stuff come from and where am I going to put it. Larry and I are such packrats (me a little more than him) but we both are! My house is not overrun with things, I do not have paths through clutter, but it is just still not the way I would like it to look. I want it to be more organized, neat and clean looking... all I see when I look around is STUFF!!!!! I think to myself I want it all gone, but I just dont know where to begin cleaning it out or where to put it...

One more thing then Im done for now, I promise... I can not for the life of me figure out why some people act and treat people the way they do! Im gonna leave it at that for now, its too long and complicated, but I just want to scream GROW UP!!!!!

Ok, I feel a little better now, maybe I can tackle one of my little projects this weekend! I will let you know!